Separation Anxiety

After my recent vacation, I’ve come to a realization that I never thorught I would…I don’t want to ever leave my son again!  I know many of you are probably saying, “Well of course you feel that way.“  But I never thought I would..not me!  I’m an adventurer!  I love to ski and scuba dive.  I’ve bungee jumped, been sky diving and spent time in Iraq covering the war!  I was definitely not going to be one of those mothers who couldn’t be away from their child for more than a few hours without missing them terribly and talking about them incessantly.  But apparently that’s exactly what I am.  And I don’t even care.

I just returned from a fabulous snow skiing trip in Vail, Colorado.  It was a blast!  Several years ago I tried to convince my husband he’d love skiing as much as I do.  So for his birthday I took him to Colorado.  After a half day of lessons with the 2 and 3 year olds, he was miserable.  He gave up and spent the rest of the trip in the lodge.  He let me know in no uncertain terms he would not be trying that again.  So when a girlfriend at work mentioned a ski trip she was planning with her friends…I immediately invited myself along.  I convinced them they’d need me there since no one in their group had ever skiied before.  I’m no expert, but I was sure I could save them the expense and humiliation of lessons and have them skiing well enough to enjoy themselves on their first trip.

We left on Wednesday morning, even before we landed in Eagle, Colorado I had called home a dozen times to check on my son.  I left him with daddy who is perfectly capable of caring for Cruz without me around.  (Despite the fact that he dresses him in mismatched outfits and doesn’t know the difference between pajamas and clothing to be worn during the day!)  I thought Cruz would be missing me as much as I missed him…not so.  We talked on the phone several times a day and he was always happy to talk to me, but never upset when we hung up.  I, on the other hand, was not doing as well.  Everything we did or saw reminded me of Cruz.  I was constantly saying, “oh wouldn’t Cruz love this snow…I’ll bet Cruz would think that was funny…I’ll bet Cruz would look so cute in those tiny little ski outfits!“  I found myself longingly staring at the toddlers taking ski lessons and lingering near families with toddlers just to get a glimpse of those sweet little faces and hear those adorable little voices.  Even the occassional child who was throwing a temper tantrum put a grin on my face. 

By the third day I had had my fun and was ready to get home and see my baby.  On our last night in town as the other ladies were excitedly getting ready for our last night out, I opted to get into my pjs, take my makeup off, order room service and kill time until we had to wake up and get to the airport.  When we arrived in Birmingham there were my two boys waiting to see me!  I’ve never see such a sweeter face…my husband looked great too   But at that moment I realized I never wanted to leave him again.  What’s wrong with taking him everywhere with me in the future?  Lord knows mothers need a break from mothering every once in a while, but next time I think I have him by my side and maybe a sitter will be there too!