Domestic Violence Awareness: Leaving an abusive relationship

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And, Alabama is 12th worst in the nation when it comes to this crime. 

For many victims, leaving a violent relationship is the most dangerous time of their lives. How do they escape? What help is available?

It was a picture that for a moment brought domestic violence to the forefront: a photo of pop star Rihanna badly beaten and bruised at the hands of her boyfriend.

“When it’s a celebrity, then things are heightened because people’s response to it is ‘aha.’ But it happens every day,” said Carolyn Adams, director of Project S.A.F.E.

Fact: One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her life time.

Women like Tahiera Monique Brown, who now dedicates her time to writing her memoirs and sharing her story of abuse that began more than 30 years ago when she was married to a man whom she says beat her.

“Maybe somebody was driving past us and looked over in the car and he would assume they guy was looking at me. And instead of confronting the guy, he would hit me,” Brown said.

Brown says she endured the abuse for six years before she found the courage to pack up her two children and leave.

“One night after a very vicious beating I knew he had to leave so I just left, I left my home,” Brown said. “He continued to harass me, you know, phone calls for years. But I had to stay gone. I let him know I had a gun and I let him know that I would do what I had to do to protect myself. You are not coming to hit me again.”

Adams said, “Sometimes when they get ready to leave, it’s the most dangerous time for them.”

Fact: the number 1 reason victims stay is out of fear.

According to the FBI, up to 40 percent of female homicides in any given year occur when the woman decides to leave the abusive relationship.

Virginia Sweet is with the Women’s Fund of Greater Birmingham, an organization dedicated to improving the status of women and girls.

“All of us need to play the part of helping to stop domestic violence and to reach out to a victim,” Sweet said.

In 2006, the Women’s Fund began a community level initiative called Voices Against Violence.

The goal? To reduce the incidence of domestic violence by holding perpetrators accountable, enlisting men as part of the solution, and providing people with the tools to respond appropriately to domestic violence.

And so far it seems to be working.

Fact: since 2006, Birmingham Municipal Court has cleared a backlog of 800 domestic violence cases.

There’s now a statewide system in place to track repeat offenders and after a third offense, abusers now face mandatory jail time.

“People can choose not to hit, it’s not a disease. You can make a choice,” Adams said.

Carolyn Adams is the director of Project S.A.F.E.—a program within the Birmingham Police Department that deals with batters intervention.

The 24-week long court-ordered program is taught in a classroom where offenders learn how to control their abusive behavior and establish skills for a healthy relationship.

As for Brown, she’s now happily remarried. And says although it isn’t easy… leaving an abusive relationship is the best decision a victim can make.

“I dealt with poverty, I dealt with homelessness, but I didn’t get beat,” Brown said. “When you finally make the decision there are many people out there who is willing to help you.”